


If You Want Something Done Right, Do It Yourself

by BurnedVamp



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: AU, Implied multiple pairings, M/M, Possessiveness, Property Damage, Satire, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 04:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10632342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnedVamp/pseuds/BurnedVamp
Summary: My fantasy of the ideal and appropriate ratio of pairings for the WKverse. There CLEARLY aren't enough Uke!Ken centric fics. Expect to hear more from me. Oh yes, there will be more.Nagi teases Schuldig when showing him about his hobby as a fanfiction writer. Most everyone wants a piece of Ken!





	

Schuldig heard Nagi's mental sigh and smirked. Kid forgot himself for a moment. Which meant there was a slight possibility that whatever he was doing was infinitely more interesting than flipping through random channels on the television.

With more haste than necessary, Schuldig leapt off the couch and headed to Nagi's room.

"God, no. You heard me," Nagi groaned.

"Too late for prayers, Nagi-kins. Tell me what's up before I torture it out of you."

Nagi sighed and pushed away from his computer, inviting Schuldig to view the screen. He immediately stepped in and started reading - it appeared to be a list.

"What are these?"

"Fanfiction... stories about Weiss,"

"What?" he snorted. "Who cares? Nothing they do is worth reading about." He continued to skim through a few trying to find the appeal. "Yaoi? Aya/Yohji? Who would write stories about THEM?"

"Deranged lunatics."

"WHY?"

"Ask Farfarello. Any of his stories get more reviews than mine."

"Reviews?"

"Comments and criticisms. He gets more flames than anything else, but it makes him happy. Flamers hurt God." Nagi scrolled through the list and clicked on one at random to show what they were like.

"BORING. What the hell were you sighing for?"

Ordinarily, Nagi might regret telling him, but he thought of a way to get a little entertainment out of it. "My little Bombay koneko..."

"What about him?" Schuldig sneered in disgust.

"Many people, mostly yaoi female fanatics, write stories about their favorite Weiss assassin kidnapped by Schwartz."

"Oooohhhh do tell."

"And it's either Abyssinian or Balinese. My little Bombay is NEVER kidnapped so that I may have my way with him."

"So? BORING."

"So... whenever Abyssinian or Balinese are kidnapped and you and Brad have your wicked way with them, my little Bombay is nothing more than a little side note..."

"BORING."

"... in which he's always paired with Hidaka-san."

"BOR-... Siberian?"

Nagi sighed, turning aside to hide his smirk.

Schuldig refocused on the computer trying to find support for the OBVIOUS lie. "They can't actually BELIEVE that Siberian would want a wuss-bucket like prissy Tsukiyono!"

Nagi glared at Schuldig. He turned back to the computer and began typing.

"NOW what are you doing?"

Nagi smirked and showed him the screen. "Conducting a search for any stories with you and Hidaka-san."

"ZERO MATCHES?"

The fun has begun! 'Hidaka' and 'Kudou' were typed into the search box and a list of 218 stories appeared.

"WHAT? BALINESE is the reason STD research facilities EXIST!"

The ante was upped when 'Crawford' and 'Hidaka' were searched.

"EIGHT HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO? FUCKING HELL!"

  
Time to move in for the kill. Nagi typed 'Hidaka'... and with Schuldig watching carefully over his shoulder... typed in... 'Fujimiya.'

The next day, Crawford approached Nagi, glaring. "You WILL pay for the damages," he said when he presented him the repair bill for Abyssinian's porsche. "I hope it was worth it."

Nagi smirked. "Well, it was quite hilarious when he ran out of here screaming about how that damned red-head better keep his ... ahem... hands off of his Kenken."

Crawford's eyebrow twitched. "HIS Ken?"

Nagi nodded. Crawford snatched back the bill and hauled off to find Schuldig. Nagi laughed maniacally.

"Ooooohhhh Nagi's hurting God."

"Farfarello? Will you beta my newest story?"

"Is it God hurting?"

"I capture Omi-kun and have my wicked way with him."

"Ooohhhh a Mary Sue. Those hurt God. Can I have Siberian?"

"Maybe."

In an apartment above a flower shop, Omi blinked at his computer screen as Ken and Aya were passing. "Oh my..."

"What's up, Omi?"

"Well... there seems to be an upsurge of Schuldig/Ken fanfiction on FanStories dot net."

Ken snickered but Aya did not find it amusing.

"Yeah? Like, three in all?"

Omi chuckled. "No! A whopping four!"

Ken laughed. "Once Oracle finds those, I'm sure they'll be wiped just like the rest of them."

Aya growled and yanked Ken to him, his glare sending delicious chills through the brunette's body. Ken rubbed himself against his partner and purred. "C'mon, love... let's go re-establish your authority and reclaim ownership of my body."

Aya continued to growl. "Idiot." He then hauled Ken up the stairs to their bedroom.

Omi squealed in delight when he found a new story by his favorite author, Kitten's Prodigy. "Schwartz captures Weiss. A Nagi/Bombay fanfiction with Farfarello/Siberian. A mission goes wrong when bad intel causes the kittens to land in the hands of their superior enemy. The smartest of them separates his favorite assassin and -"

"New mission, Omitchi?"

Omi jumped and blushed, "Yohji-kun!"

Yohji looked over his shoulder and realized it was those stories the kid was always reading. "Anything about a threesome yet with me? I've been dieing to get my hands on Kenken."

"Uh, I don't think Aya-kun will share."

"Bastard."

 


End file.
